every day How to have new sex in an old relationship By Barbara Carrellas Lots of people in long-term relationships would love to reboot their sex lives but they don t know how to do it. Asking a longtime partner to make changes to your sexual routine as a couple can feel intimidating and scary even dangerous. You may keep your desires to yourself because you don t want to upset the delicate balance in your relationship. And the last thing you want to do is hurt your partner s feelings by implying that they aren t satisfying you anymore even if that s actually the case. These are normal worries, but trust me, they re probably unfounded. It s important to remember that your desire for something different really has nothing to do with your partner. It s much more about you. You are simply in a new phase of your erotic evolution but guess what? Your partner probably is, too. They might be more than ready to shake things up sexually. If you want to let your partner know you re ready to step out of your sexual routine, here are some ideas to consider: 1. Don t assume it s going to be a difficult conversation. Remember that you re talking about sharing a deeper intimate experience with someone you care about. Sure, you might discover some no-go zones, but that s okay. In fact, it s part of the process. While your goal may be more pleasure and fun, you re also strengthening an existing bond and getting closer, not further apart. 2. It s good to start out with something easy and fun. Bring up a recent sex experience you and your partner shared, emphasizing one or two things that really turned you on. Ask your partner to describe some of their favorite erotic moments with you. 3. Invite your partner to reveal a single detail of their secret sexual fantasy. This little morsel of information lets you know what your partner dreams about. Listen carefully and be open and accepting about what they say. Use this as an organic transition to introduce the concept of exploring new sexual territory and say that you really want to do that together. 4. Brainstorm together to create a list of options. Make a list of sexual possibilities from lots of sources from the mild to the wild. Go through your list and mark each item Yes, No or Maybe, as in Yes, I d love that! , No way, not ever! , and Well, maybe I might if Then share your list with your partner. This is a really fun exercise that always produces lots of laughs and even more aha moments. 5. Realize that it isn t important for the two of you to want exactly the same things. Start with one or two things you d both like to explore and go from there. You might want to play the Yes No Maybe game periodically. A year from now, an item in your No way, not ever! column may have moved to the top of Oh yes, now please! column. 6. Celebrate that you are about to take a Big Sexual Adventure together. Some of your escapades will be mind-blowing and others may be a little scary. Some will work; some won t. Some may even lead to explosions of laughter or a few tears. Be bold together. Remember, the right combination of turn-on, safety and risk leads to peak sexual experiences. Always play safely, of course, but get used to lingering outside of your comfort zone. It s where the thrill lives. You can seldom predict where your erotic evolution will lead you and your partner, but what an amazing journey you ll both have along the way! Want to rewind and get more information about low libido? Here s how to find your bliss . maintaining
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